Holding back the tears

I feel that I do this a lot.

Especially since last few years, I've been giving in to people, being submissive....

Constantly, I get pushed around a lot. I smile in front of those people, especially in front of my parents. My tears starts to flow when I'm alone.

Holding back the tears translations

[ChangMin]A faded white painting and my slightly vanished scent are hidden inside a eye-
blinding cloud

[YooChun]My wordless heart slowly movesAnd the time that passes inbetween is in my hands

[Junsu] I'm holding back the tears I hang my heart so it'll be weightlessIn a place not too close
but not too farAnother me is standing, I don't cry

[YoonHo] I bring my two hands together once againIn a place I live the present life instead of the memories

[Jaejoong]It's foolish but we were always togetherThe pain that I wanted to empty flowed throughout my whole body and dries up my tears

[Altogether]I'm living with my tears I'm holding back the tears I hang my heart so it'll be weightlessIn a place not too close but not too farAnother me is standing, I don't cry

[Altogether]I'm holding back the tears I hang my faith on me and runIn a place that is not high nor lowAnother me is standing,With a small smile, I can smile


Forgot where I found this translation :)

One of my all time favourite song

Where were you?

To those who happen to check my blog only to find it not updated for so long, I am NOT missing hehe. Just lazy to blog. So let me fill you in on what I was up to when I was feeling lazy to blog.

Febuary

a) I was completing my UCAS application, and boy, that sure took me long. I wasn't exactly pleased with my statement so I amended it again and again, before finally deciding to submit the last copy.

b) I was busy reading! I have three books on my shelf still, waiting to be read.

c) I was dongbang-ing. People who know me well enough should know that this is my routine. I have to go dongbang-ing at least once a day. Even if I don't have a computer/laptop near me, I still use my phone to dongbang.

d) I was going to bandar alot, apparently, even I myself do not notice that frequency.

March

a) I'm practically counting down to the release of The Secret Code. I need new music ><

b)Reading again a new book I just bought couple of days back while I was attending a wedding ceremony in bandar. THIS is interesting. The wedding was held in Huaho Manggis, well, Sahyeon and I , were basically FORCED to go, but on the bright side, at least there's Best Eastern for me to get books. I went to the banquet first, check out where our table was supposed to be and went down again to get myself a book.

The wedding ceremony is boring, the only interesting part of the trip was that I was able to get a book. That's it. They invited all these singers from CHina with extremely high piercing voices singing all those songs I have nerver heard of. Worst still, I was sitting maybe two tables away from the freaking loud speaker that threatens to damage my eardrums any moment.

c)I AM SICK.

like now. I'm coughing for no apparent reason and my mum convinces me to gulp down honey + vinegar. I know it works. I'm fine with honey but no vinegar please. However, I'm really frustrated with my cough so no matter how stinky or yucky it's gonna taste, I'll still have to gulp it down. LATER. I mean it. :)

d) Parties

No, not parties of my friends dear. My family parties I mean. My cousins, four of them celebrating their b'days this month, a party for another relative who came all the way to visit my grandma and tonight is keen and chun's b'day party. Whew.

I'm tired. Fried food again and I won't be able to have some because I'm couging unless the vinegar + honey works.

e) Oh, and I posted one video at youtube. That was my first time doing so. It wasn't a video about me, it's abt The Secret COde promotions where Yunjae went to Nagoya Hits fm. Weee, promo is starting, new album is coming but my wallet is burning. LOL. Kidding.

f)I have my IELTS test coming next week, and my mum is asking me to watch TV. No kidding.

g) Have you guys heard Super Junior's Sorry Sorry? It's hella addictive, but at the same time when Stand Up was released, I was nuts over Stand Up, with all the tion' that ryhmes, how can it NOT get you addicted?!

I have run out of things to update but isn't that a long post? Will be back soon'!

In the meantime, take care everyone!

Home Sweet Home

I finally understood this phrase and to say this, I do admit that I'm slow.

But it's true

After one night of sleepless night in BSB in my uncle's house, I have finally come to terms that I love sleeping in MY own house despite having to face my father's mood swings but hey, that's better thwan waking up in somewhere you don't even know well enough and feel happy.

I hate the marble tiles, and the house is even more unclean than mine. In a sense that is.

I dont want to state more but I just realised I love where I stay because when I wake up, I see people I love in my life including my annoying little bro and my dad who may have mood swings and I may get shouted at.

But it all doesnt matter to me now.

I love where I belong, I love my home and most importantly one of the reasons why I felt uncomfortable in my uncle's house, I felt intimidated.

God is with me for sure, but I can't feel it strongly. Fear has brought and lead me away from my heavenly father that night, which explains why I felt uncomfortable.

But when I'm at home, I can heartily pray and express my feelings openly to God who understands me the most, so I feel at ease.

Home, is where the heart is.

No matter how much you hate going home, when you're away from it, you'll probably miss your comfort zone with the people you once hate in it and how much you wish they're with you

LOL

Does anyone actually get my point?

Oh yeah

I quit my job! Not that I was the one typing the letter. It was my dad. Oh well, I'm spending my time more productively this week, which is like one of the most productive week of all among my holidays.

The most important part is - I FEEL and LOOK happy rather than sulking all day and complaining and on the verge of tearing up whenever I faced a failed attempt at looking for Uni's with Marketing courses.

LOL

*squeals* Jaejoongieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oppa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So random since I'm missing someone on Valentine's Day and I can't state the exact name of so and so which is why I'm squealing for Jae, not that I don't want Jae at all.

I could swap him for so and so anytime.

Hey there *insert name here* , since you're away, I'm gonna swap you for Jae :)
LOL

*frowns and pouts* I hate you! *Not Jaejoongie........* Ying will know who he is.

AND

I just realised, it's been long since I last blogged so I splitted into two posts.

Happy V day

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

I feel lonely haha....and I'm spending the time with my grandma, not that it's bad, just that it's really really weird...

I don't know. LOL

What am I thinking about? My *cough* *cough* special someone is far far away from me and with someone else. SIGH

Anyway on the positive side, I had pretty much a great time last week except for yesterday night......the morning part was great.

BTW, i went to Summit in The Mall yesterday and I was shocked to hear "More than the air I breathe." Haha So I went right in and heard Yunnie Oppa's voice blaring over the speakers and I was like What?! So cool, they play dongbang songs here!

Bought a pair of white shoes. Perfectly Gorgeous! I looove it so much!

Mad, Stupid Jobs, Scholarship Opportunities

Mad- Mad at the effin job my mum landed me. Bored, unproductive and hell no, I don't even know my pay! I'm egtting up every morning to find myself so demotivated. You probably would've asked why can't I just quit, go ask my effin dad! Stupid stupid jobs!

Scholarship= This is even worst, I have yet to find unis with those subjects where the subjects available may land me a scholarship. Bleh.

Mad mad mad right now.

And also, what's with SM? Two songs again for Liyin?! I'm glad I didnt buy a $1500 plane ticket to the thai concert.

Splurging or not?

I just came back from Laneige, AGAIN.'

I just had to make use of my 20% discount which will last till this sunday for makeup. I regretted buying the face shop's stick eyeshadow...

Anyway, I bought the really pretty sliding pact and a pencil type eyeshadow in beige and bown. (Twin colour eyeshadow)and another darker shade of brown to give me a natural look

I'm still thinking of getting the Hyrda solution. Maybe by the end of this week.